April…what a down pour of expectations, obligations, and impatience. I am flooded by work, school, papers, job searching..seeking…dredging…sending resumes and cover letters and recieving no reply. The next few weeks will be a trial. BUT God’s will be done…where will I be after May? Worse than anything, the part that tears at me, is the not knowing, and the waiting. I am waiting to hear back from a certain organization, for whose cause I have grown strangely and unexpectedly passionate. After my final interview last week, I was initially relieved and now am subject to a duration of waiting, the waiting where you analyze your every word past spent and contemplate what you should have done, should have said. It is the self-nit-picking, the-nothing-you-can-do-now-to-change-the-outcome, hope-for-the-best, lay-awake, will-they-pick-me, kind of waiting. I’m practicing patience. It is hard to have patience for something you want so badly. Here–whatever happens is God’s will and I will end up where he wants me to. So if this doesn’t work, then it was never right…was just a stepping stone to somewhere. I honestly believe that.
Tonight will be a late night. I’m treating myself to sushi I believe. I love sushi. Sushi and coffee later…strange combination. Oh life, how strangely you flip and flop around. On the up note, while I am flooded lately and April seems a flood, next month is May and April showers bring May flowers. I think that means something good is coming 🙂